As you know from my jokes about my tear in childbirth, it was traumatic. You’ve also probably gathered that I use comedy as a coping mechanism. It’s my favorite.

What I mention less is how not ok I was. For a long time.

The nightmares I’d have of the midwives standing over me trying to push Everett out of me.

Of hearing the scissors close and realizing I’d been given an episiotomy.

Of the postpartum anxiety, depression, rage, and PTSD I experienced. And am still working through.

It took me a while to ask for and get the support I needed.

Because I was drowning and didn’t know how to ask for help.

And because I’ve been told how hard it is postpartum. I thought this was all normal.

This week’s podcast episode is about how sometimes self care isn’t enough. That there is no bath bomb that can combat anxiety. And now that I’m coming out the other side, how I really really struggled this past year.

This is one of the many reasons I have such a fire under my butt to make change around the postpartum experience and women’s healthcare.

We all deserve better.

I almost didn’t release this episode.

I emailed my editor and told her I felt so vulnerable and wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. Maybe this was like that journal entry no one needs to read, or the letter of rage you write to someone and never send.

And then I had a client bring up her frustrations that no one warms you what postpartum anxiety looks like.

And mom rage came up again in our Facebook group Mom’s Club.

And then I got a new client who was looking for support around all of this.

And I knew.

I have to release this episode for all of the people who are questioning if they are ok. Who want to be ok. Who don’t know if it’s really ok to not be ok.

If you need it, I give you full permission to not be ok. And if you need support, let me know and we can get you the support you need, whatever that looks like, for you.

I also needed to share this for myself.

Creating this episode helped me process a lot of what happened, why it went down the way it all did, and helped me find the path to emerge on the other side.

I also want to give a big shoutout to Jeremy who lived with a really intense, sometimes mean wife and still likes me.

Resources:

• Download your FREE guide to the 20 Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy and Postpartum, visit www.alissa-alter.com.
• Join our private Facebook community Mom’s Club for the community of like minded, intentional moms hanging out in a 100% judgement free zone you’ve always dreamed of.

Love this episode? Remember to follow or subscribe for free so you don’t miss an episode of Myth of Motherhood.