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Since recording THIS PODCAST EPISODE with Jean Hannah Edelstein author of her new memoir Breasts: A Relatively Short Relationship (also my across the street neighbor, friend, AND client) I’ve been thinking about the beauty standards placed on women.

Another word or phrase for a tool of the patriarchy to busy ourselves and our most valuable resources on how we appear to others, not how we impact others, but how we appear to others to ensure they are comfortable and pleased. 

Our most valuable resources are our thoughts, our time, our energy, and our money.

Thoughts

Our thoughts are co-opted with how flat our stomachs look in our high waisted, wide legged jeans which we were told are the new skinny jeans.

Our thoughts of constantly calculating how much protein we’ve eaten. 

Our thoughts of the infinite ways we are saddled with caring for everyone else. 

Time

Our time with hair appointments, nail appointments, wax appointments, styling our hair, putting on makeup, taking off makeup properly, skincare routines, downtime from procedures, endlessly preparing protein forward foods.

Energy

Our energy with the latest workout trend guaranteed to make us skinny, I mean healthy. The energy of calculating all of that fucking protein. The energy of worrying about…everything. 

Finances

Our money for the latest trendy clothing and athleisure, botox, hair coloring, getting our nails done, the waxing, the newest freaking water bottle. The supplements, don’t get me started on the supplements!

Now, I’m not saying that doing these things is bad. I do some of them! I’m not a manicure person, I don’t have the patience, but I fully understand and support that for some people that is a very calming, relaxing experience and really supports them. I’m not here to yuck your yum. 

I’m here to ask you, are the things you choose to invest your most valuable and finite resources in YOUR decision? Do they truly serve YOU? Do they forward YOUR values and mission in this life? Do they support YOUR work to make the world a better place?

OR are they things you do because “It’s what you do” that are thinly veiled tools of the patriarchy to keep you distracted.

I do not find it a coincidence at all that while the United States is a mess (what an understatement) it’s becoming trendy once again for women to be as skinny as possible. Skinny is back. Heroine chic they call it.

IF we are starving, foggy brained, exhausted, and literally have little to no gas in the tank, we cannot fight back. Suddenly VERY high platform heels are back? Shoes that literally DISABLE women from being able to move freely and quickly? 

Are you kidding me?

And I get that I maybe sound a bit like whatever her name is in Legally Blonde who Elle meets on the first day of law school who is petitioning Harvard to change SEMester to OVester. Enid? I think her name is Enid? Whatever. I get that I kinda sound like her.

But like…the math here IS mathing. 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve talked about getting a breast reduction when I am done having kids. I said this before I knew Jeremy. I probably said this while I was married to my ex husband and was nowhere near having children!

But now, as I really consider this option (an option I am lucky to have and will decide on my own for my own body) I keep checking in. Is this ME who wants this because of the back and neck pain? Because I don’t feel comfortable jumping? Because I don’t like how it feels?

OR is this a response to my bust not fitting the size determined by society to be acceptable?

Now this may sound confusing because most people are like “Big boobs are the dream! Yay big boobs! LIke…who wouldn’t want big boobs?”

Me. I don’t want boobs this big. 

I can’t buy shirts. I can’t buy cute bras. I pay SO. MUCH. MONEY for a sports bra that actually supports my body. 

Since I can’t buy a lot of things off the rack, I have to buy a bigger size and have things tailored because my boobs are one size and the rest of my body is another. Which costs me finances, time, thought, and energy to execute all of this to have a freaking outfit!

I recently posted a reel on instagram about how I needed to record some videos. I’m doing an eight week online summer workout series. And I had it in my calendar to record one of the videos on whatever day. I felt great, I was ready to go, the energy and excitement to film was there and I realized my hair was kinda dirty and I didn’t have any makeup on. 

I paused and was like “Ugh. I don’t have time to shower, let my hair dry or dry it and put makeup AND do the workout!” I didn’t want to put it off because my schedule was super busy that week and also…I was feeling it! I was ready to get it on!

And then I thought “WHO CARES if I have makeup on??? WHO CARES if my hair is done??? We are exercising! We are moving our bodies!”

For real, if you’re coming to my classes (in person or online) you’re there for the content. For the movement and the curiosity and the education. NOT my concealer. Listen, I’m not going to show up in a way that’s distracting where then you’re like “Is Alissa ok? She really doesn’t look good.” But I also don’t need GLAM to freaking work out.

The feedback I get from clients is appreciating that I show up looking like a real person. I show up how you do, exactly as I am at that moment. Ready or not to move my body and explore what’s going on and how I can challenge myself and develop my body in a way that both serves me and my community. 

There’s so much fake stuff right now, isn’t it refreshing to be, feel, and see something REAL???

I posted the reel about how I was reclaiming my time by recording anyway. I release the shoulds or needs of others for me to show up picture perfect. 

I reject the whole aspirational image. 

I am finished conforming myself to please a mass audience. 

I’d rather be 9 people’s favorite thing than 100 people’s 9th favorite thing. That’s a lyric from an incredible musical called [title of show]

I can sleep better at night this way. 

I can also get more sleep because I’m using my time more efficiently on things that really matter TO ME AND MY COMMUNITY! My energy is protected for the things that matter most TO ME AND MY COMMUNITY! My resources are being used in the most potent way because they are allocated in alignment with MY values and mission in MY LIFE AND MY COMMUNITY!

And I know this small act of resistance by not putting makeup on to film a workout is a drop in the bucket when it comes to taking down the patriarchy and I also know that if this can inspire you to resist a little bit too and that inspires someone else and it keeps going and going and if you start investing your most valuable resources in YOURSELF, YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR COMMUNITY in ways that align with YOUR values and mission, and that inspires someone else and you get the pattern here, if we all do one small thing, together we can really make a difference.