If you’ve been here a minute, you’ve heard about my rectovaginal birth. And if you’re new here, well…my baby came out of both my vagina and my rectum as he tore me apart entering the world. I don’t blame him! And if you know Everett you know he is pure magic worthy of a show stopping entrance and he has a really big head. 

I had the honor of being a guest on the podcast Labor Lessons and talking a bit more about my birth story. While the end is the same each time, every time I take this suitcase off the shelf, unzip it, and open it up to unpack I find something new. 

The pieces come out less wrinkled, more organized, and look less haggard. It’s like each time I repack the suitcase I do it more efficiently. So then when I come back to unpack I can find things that were there before, but went unseen. 

You can listen to the episode here. 

I’ll be honest, I haven’t listened to it yet. I recorded this maybe a month ago? I knew I was pregnant, but it was so early I didn’t feel sick yet. At this moment I am so hormonal and everything makes me cry and I just need to protect these sensitive feelings right now. 

Yes, you read that right. Me, Alissa Alter, the girl who talks about everything, who you maybe thought didn’t have boundaries around when/where/what to talk about not only has one but is holding it. 

Processing trauma is exhausting. And somewhat neverending. And trust me I am still processing my trauma. The hormones and mood swings and fears and anxiety and terror of the first trimester of pregnancy are bringing things up and keeping them riiiiiiiiiight below the surface ready to make me ugly cry at a moment’s notice. 

So I’m being gentle with myself. I know I will come back to it. I have already had a couple of breakdown/breakthroughs and I know there are more to come. And between the crashing waves, I will rest and be gentle with myself and find the joy in this wild fucking ride. 

And between the breakdownthroughs and finding the joy I will continue to do Pilates For MY Privates because I have to. I have to for my physical health (hello scarred and scared undercarriage + special hip thanks to A Chorus Line and 42nd Street) and for me mental health (Pelvic floor function has a very close relationship to the state of your nervous system). 

I recently spoke to my OBGYN who delivered Everett. I often ask her to reassure me about how our bodies can carry pregnancies and give birth multiple times and the resilience of muscle tissue (I ask PTs and every other professional to talk to me about this too). And she said to me once again, “Your repair was easy. The tissue was so healthy and strong, it wanted to come back together.” She tells me (because I ask her to) that the reason I was able to have an uncomplicated (not the same as easy), smooth, successful recovery IS BECAUSE MY PELVIC FLOOR WAS STRONG AND HEALTHY GOING INTO CHILDBIRTH.

If I hadn’t done Pilates For My Privates not only would my repair and recovery have been different, I wouldn’t have had a center to return to postpartum.

So in order to prepare my body for pregnancy, a cesarean, and then two kids and the hormotional rollercoaster I’m already strapped into, I am remaining consistent and dedicated to my practice. 

For my physical and emotional private parts.

Because I deserve to be taken care of and avoid unnecessary pain. And so do you my friend.